Kuching Queer As Folk

I fuck the WORLD

2006-02-06T22:18:00.000-08:00

Fucking GOD,
First you gave me a heart to love, then you give me my sexual pleasure. Then you sent me someone to love and you took him away.

I dont deserve all this shit. I really dont. I dont like you GOD.

I';ve been serving you for years, my whole life and you never even smile to me.

I used to believe that it's a test. I used to see at the bright side. But i do realised that there's no more bright side for me. I dont like it at all.

This is not the first time. I've done my best. I really was. And yet, you kept on giving me all these bullshit.

I do believe in you o' Lord, for this i blamed this all on you. I do believe that you have the power to make everything as what you want it to be therefore, i do not dare to question you.

If you have such power then why do you leave us alone, leaving me in pain and agony.

I do not do any harm to other people. I was trying my best to keep myself and people around me happy. I do not see the bright side of the story.

If white is so clean, why do you invent darkness? If love is so pure and sacred then why do you despise us and why do i feel like a prisioner in my own body?

O'GOD, this is my prayer on behalf of other people out there who're experiencing the same situation with me. I cant show you my heart because I know that its your creation. I can show you my anger because you put it in me. I can show you love ....but I never taste any...why?

Amen

Beautiful disaster - Kelly Clarkson

2006-01-25T17:58:00.000-08:00

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
But more heaven than a heart could hold

And if I try to save him

My whole world would cave in

It just ain't right

Lord it just ain't right

Oh and I don't know

I don't know what he's after

But he's so beautiful

He's such a beautiful disaster

And if I could hold on

Through the tears and the laughter

Lord would it be beautiful

Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth

As strong as what I believe

A tragedy with

More damage than a soul should see

But do I try to change him

So hard not to blame him

Hold me tight

Baby Hold me tight

Oh and I don't know

I don't know what he's after

But he's so beautiful

He's such a beautiful disaster

And if I could hold on

Through the tears and the laughter

Would it be beautiful

Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical

But he's only happy hysterical

I'm searchin' for some kind of miracle

Waited so long

I've waited so long

He's soft to the touch

But frayed at the ends he breaks

He's never enough

And still he's more than I can take

oh and I dont know

i dont know what he's after

but he's so beautiful

such a beautiful disaster

and if i could hold on

through the tears and the laughter

would it be beautiful

or just a beautiful disaster

he's beautiful

lord he's so beautiful

he's beautiful

A good friend of mine

2006-01-15T17:33:00.000-08:00

My friend is attached with a good looking guy from XXXXXXX. They're the best gay couple i've ever known They've been together for quite long and I'm very sure that they'll be together till the end.

My friend was having problem lately. He's so down and he didn't even get a proper sleep.

In Kuching, the only problem of being a gay relationship is to be recognized by the society. In my friend's situation, it's different. He's an open gay (at least to certain people that he trust) and since they're in a relationship, they started to tell each other's family about the sacred relationship. This is a very touching story. Luckily both family are ok with it and they all respected them. They leave together like a normal lucky family.

My friend is so lucky. Normaly white guys are only coming here to shag. I've found out from them that they were in contact, firstly via internet. After been chatting for 3 months, my friend took a flight ticket to Brisbane to see his bf. Since that day, they fell deeply in love with each other....and that was few sweet years back.

Last Christmas, they went back to XXXXXXX to visit his bf's family. I've been in contact with them most of the time and they seems to have problems. XXXXXXX is a hip and happening place, and its impossible for them to every complained to me that they're bored., unless something happened.

Damn right, my friend returned to Malaysia last week alone. He was not happy.

This time, the problem is not to be accepted as a gay couple BUT...they bf's family didn't quite like him. They're OK about this 'gay' thingi, its just that my friend is Asian furthermore, they bf is rich and having 8 years older than him. They bf's family were looking at him as if he's a 'money boy'. Now, my friend is very sad.

This is the most common problem when you're Asian and your bf is white. They always look at you as someone with big potential to do bad things on them. If my friend is reading this, just to let him know that we're always here for him and that his bf really loves him, so he doesn'tr have to be scared.

And if his bf is reading this, he's the nicest man that I've ever known. If the society in XXXXXXX cant accept the two of you, come back here, this is your home.

I'm not in love

2006-01-04T23:52:00.000-08:00

I’m not in love

So don’t forget it

It’s just a silly phase I’m going through

And just because

I call you up

Don’t get me wrong,

don’t think youve got it made

I’m not in love, no no,

it’s because....

I like to see you

But then again

That doesn’t mean you mean that much to me

So if I call you don’t make a fuss

Don’t tell you friends about the two of us

I’m not in love, no no,

it’s because....

I keep your picture

Upon the wall

It hides a nasty stain that’s lying there

So don’t you ask me

To give it back

I know you know it doesn’t mean that much to me

I’m not in love, no no, it’s because....

Ooh you’ll wait a long time for me

Ooh you’ll wait a long time

Ooh you’ll wait a long time for me

Ooh you’ll wait a long time

I’m not in love

So don’t forget it

It’s just a silly phase I’m going through

And just because I call you up

Don’t get me wrong,

don’t think you’ve got it made

I’m not in love

Second day of Christmas

2005-12-27T23:00:00.000-08:00

It’s second day of Christmas and I went to pick him up. I was a bit tired with loads of things to do at home. Since he insist of me bringing him for a walk, I just agreed. I’m glad that during this special occasion, I can spend time with the person I like.

Picked him up from his house, then he told me that he would like to bring me to his friend’s house for a Christmas visit. His house is not so far away from his friend’s house, so we decided to go visiting first before we go shopping.

We went to his friends house and it was packed. So we decided not to stay there for too long. We left shopping.

After shopped, he told me that he wants to his friends again. He wants me to follow him again. I insisted of going home. Then he said the magic word “I have no problem in going alone, I just want you to come with me because I want to introduce you to my friends so that they will know you and you’ll get to know them”

Hearing this, I said “yes”. That is like the sweetest thing he ever told me.

One thing that make me angry….his friend (a girl) kept on admiring his butt and kept on hinting him and leading him to her bed room. On the way back, she slapped his ass….Doesn’t seems painful, but sure is painful to me hehehehe

My odd couple

2005-12-18T23:00:00.000-08:00

I was checking my phone book, sending greetings to friends and relative and not forgeting my queer group of friends, saying Merry Christmas to all of them.

I did had some short conversation with some of them. And everytime when I'm asking how will they celebrate this jolly season, they were replying me with the same thing --seeing my boyfriend, celebrate it with my boyfriend or whatsoever relating to boyfriends. Cant I find at least one of them without boyfriend? What's wrong with the world today? Or rather what's wrong with me? Gosh...I'm so much better than any of them, yet i'm still single till now. Maybe I need to improve my behaviour this coming new year. Then again...i'm so much better!!!

I've been seeing someone but he haven't show any response that he would want me to be more than a friend. When I asked him whether he 'sayang' me? He said "yes, as a friend". And when i asked whether he loves me? He said "yes, as a friend". I do sense something more than a friendship between us but maybe its just too soon.

I, myself is not really sure whether its safe to put all my feeling on him. He's been with me before, and he's been gone, and now he's back. I just cant help it that he'll be gone again one day. To tell you the truth, and as not to lie to myself, I'm drifting towards him and I might be already in love with him.

Aih.. 10 person wants to be your boyfriend but you doesn't like any of them, why cant just give me this one that I like instead of the 10 that i DONT like?

I also want to be like others, feeling the heart of the person I love everyday (even thou not physically but at least in my heart) and waking up early in the morning with someone holding my crotch (ooppss.... sorry that's not what I meant :P) I mean waking up early in the morning with someone in my mind and to look forward for.

Just a sharing

2005-12-18T22:56:00.000-08:00

I found this picture while searching for other pictures. I cant relate this picture to any of my post, simply just want to share it with the readers. I just dont know what to say about this picture....I like it or I dont, but for sure, I like those naked guys haha

The song that makes me cry

2005-12-15T18:37:00.000-08:00

Some songs makes me feel horny, some makes me wanna dance. But this one always makes me cry, because it reflects my life.

Artist: Christina Aguilera Lyrics
Song: Reflection

Look at me

You may think you see

Who I really am

But you’ll never know me

Every day, is as if I play apart

Now I seeIf I wear a mask

I can fool the world

But I can not fool

My heart

Who is that girl I see

Staring straight back at me?

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside?

I am now

In a world where I have to

Hide my heart

And what I believe in

But somehow

I will show the world

What’s inside my heart

And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see

Staring straight back at me?

Why is my reflection

Someone I don’t know?

Must I pretend that i’m

Someone else for all time?

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside?

There’s a heart that must

Be free to fly

That burns with a need

To know the reason why

Why must we all conceal

What we think

How we feel

Must there be a secret me

I’m forced to hide?

I won’t pretend that i’m

Someone else

For all time

When will my reflections show

Who I am inside?

My Kinda foreplay

2005-12-15T18:08:00.000-08:00

To me, foreplay is a fundamental part of the whole lovemaking experience. Most men experienced in sex will agree that the best sexual encounters should include long and sensual foreplay. A more attentive form of foreplay will bring increased pleasure to both partners, and make any sexual experience more satisfying.

Both partners need a little extra spice to get fully aroused and achieve maximum pleasure. We do need to prolong foreplay to get an erection. There is no such thing as spending too much time on foreplay. The trick is to start intercourse when both partners are fully aroused and having a hard time controlling their desires from foreplay.

Foreplay includes a range of activities such as undressing, kissing, petting, and oral sex; but you can add your own thoughts to the list. Sensitive foreplay is so important to good sex because it will help both partners enjoy sexual intercourse more.

There is no such thing as the definitive foreplay; it is not about pressing the right buttons in the right order. It is about understanding what makes your partner tick and supplying those things that make the experience exceptionally pleasurable. There are many ways to give your partner extreme pleasure, and it all begins in the brain. Compliment their appearance or other attributes, especially if they have a low confidence level; show them that you care about them and what they enjoy.

Creating the right environment for sexual intercourse is all about paying attention to the details, which is especially important at mature stages in the relationship. For example, make sure the room is warm, the lighting subdued, and the appropriate music is playing. Once the mood is right, take the time to undress each other slowly, because the act of removing your partner's clothes can be an important part of successful foreplay. Many find that undressing increases the eroticism - stimulating and intensifying the feeling. For me, whenever I have sex in the car, it gives me pure pleasure. Just imagine, touching each other in that dark and small room, and you cant do more but just to imagine how your partner will look like without anything on, which you cant actually achieve when you’re doing it in the car. That’s where your mind begin to imagining things. That’s a good foreplay for me before we reached our heading destination.

I Usually go slow; begin by kissing and caressing. A kiss is usually the first physical expression of love and desire, but it is also often forgotten during sexual intercourse. During intercourse, kiss the different parts of your partner’s body, and don’t be restricted solely to the mouth. Sometimes I complained that my partner don't kiss long enough and rush the movement directly my genital area. Some might be shy to experiment on every part of the body . I love to prolong the foreplay with more kissing and caressing.

I just changed my profile picture, I would love to show the front part, but I’m just giving a visualized type of foreplay. Just to make you imagine how does my front part look like.

Remember that only by communication can we understand what is required to improve, and that practice makes perfect! Call me for some practices :P

My favourite unforgetable foreplay was the one I was having in Santubong Resort, showering together or more like hitting the bath tub together. Lay down on his chest while our sexual private parts are reaching each other. Putting my ears on his shouder while listening to his heart beat and trying my best to make it in rhythmic patern with my heartbeat. When I asked him what is he thinking of , he replied "I'm thinking of when are we going to do this again" and I was replying jokingly " I'm thinking of where to do this again, because i cant afford to get a hotel room like this all the time" But actually, I was thinking "If only I can rest my head on this chest again, forever..."

yah...he'll remember that one aswell :p

I cant complain much

2005-12-12T04:55:00.000-08:00

I ever wonder if I can change from gay to straight?

Ever wonder if lasting change is really possible?

Imagine how great it would feel to resolve my Unwanted Same-Sex Attractions!

Do you ever wonder why there’s so much debate around the issue of homosexuality?

How would you find yourself related to me, the person who has just announced, "I’m gay"?

In our society, its is impossible to make it an open issue because it's just to impossible to gain trust and respect once again. Who Doesn’t Long To Be Loved And Respected?

Sometimes I feel like my hands are tied and the best I can offer is my questionable support? Wondering if I’ll ever be able to have a real heart to heart conversation with the society again if I'm the one who said "I'm gay".
So how will they respond?

Is there any hope that can be offered the me as gay? Are homosexuals born gay or are there some causes of homosexuality that can be healed? Some would believe that the only response is one of acceptance. Others would have believe that the other response should be one of harsh, judgmental criticism. I believe there is another alternative which needs to be explored in order for other people to struggle with homosexuality to find true peace with People Like Us.

Something that you never know about me:

What I've been through in order to be able to share this confession.
Can they process the news without being angry or judgmental.
Do you know that I've been struggling right now?
I bet you do, or you wouldn’t still be reading. Yet while you’re wondering how to best respond, I'm drifting away and you’re wondering if there is any hope that I will change or if I will ever have a meaningful relationship with you again.

Have You Worried About Loosing The Relationship With The Person You Love And Thought Your Knew?
If the answer is yes, you’re not alone. The fact is that the public debates over homosexuality have left many of us confused and feeling hopeless or worse yet, helpless! As time passes, it seems that your hopes of ever being intimately involved in your loved ones life is waning. The chasm between you is increasing. You don’t understand what he or she is going through and you feel helpless to respond.

Kennysia.com

2005-12-11T20:21:00.001-08:00

Thanks to the comment posted by Thegod, I saw my page was linked by kennysia.com. I didn't mean to offend anyone and now its featured his this famous blog. I have to get rid of few posts because my brother is a faith reader of Kenny's blog. I'm sorry readers... and yeap..my viewers are increasing. Please get rid of my link. BTW..what are you doing in this gay site? I changed my web add. i dont feel comfortable being linked by such a popular blogger. My counter check shows that i received 237 viewers since this morning. I got a feeling that the whole Kuching is reading my blog. This has nothing to do with being angry with whoever. I'm jsut changing the add to start a fresh start. I'm a lover not a fighter. I'll run away from trouble while still can.

My trip to Miri

2005-12-11T19:24:00.000-08:00

I'm back in Miri. Miri is a new City. Its cleaner than Kuching. Actually a bit smaller than Kuching, but because of the population patern, it looks like as if its more developed than Kuching. I miss Kuching. I went to MC3 again on Saturday. And I saw those three ladies (dancers). I think that place is going to make it big.

Well, cant think too much of what you left behind. I will be in Miri for few more days. and I have to make to fullest out of it.

Last nite, My friends and I went to the beach. Not really the kind of beach that I would like to swim at. Along the road to the beach, we can see big bungalows. So..this is where all those rich Sarawak Taicoon been hiding. The places are gigantic BIG. Damn, if I'm that rich, I could've just get anyone and get laid day and nite, day and nite..huh..untill my angkle shaking with joy..hahaha... judging on the big houses, I guess my stay in Miri aren't going to be boring at all. I might can find more interesting people here.

I haven't go to the pubs yet. I'll be back with more updates.

A Welcoming Note

2005-12-08T21:13:00.000-08:00

Reminder: No doubt that this is not going to be as interesting and as steamy as the real Q.A.F. but hey, what do your expect from a gay life in Kuching?
Intrigued by some of my gay friends in Kuching, finaly I'm having my own gay blog. A place where I can release my dark side of which not so many people would like to do in black and white.

I was sitting in a coffee Shop with 3 PLUs. They were talking about all the famous bloggers in Kuching. We stumbled accross the account made by someone to framed Kenny Sia or maybe it was him, himself being a closset gay. Then they said to me " hey, you're such a slutty, welknown to be the most fuckable guy in town (even thou I'm a virgin), why dont you make a blog of yourself and talk about your experience.

So now here I am making a new revolution in our gay cultural in Kuching. Some might like me, some might despised me, and some might be pretending to hate me but the truth is, there are gay factor in everyone's body. So if you cant break it loose, why dont you sit down and enjoy yourself in this so-called going to be number one daring blog evar in Kuching.